Voicemail
by Siraminf
Summary: Reactions to Crowley's voicemail
1. Chapter 1

The Winchester brothers broke into the abandoned warehouse, hoping they where in time to prevent those 3 idiots from summoning a demon, but it seemed they had arrived too late. _Seemed_ being the operative word. According to all lore on the matter, right now there should be a demon there, instead what's they got was a faintly pulsating light (eerily reminiscent of the tone you get when the person you are calling isn't avaiable), sono followed by a bored voice with a british accent -You have reached the voicemail of Anthony J. Crowley, the Serpent of Eden, he who instigated the original sin. The person you are summoning is currently unavaiable. If you have reached the wrong demon, please use a more specific circle or ritual. If you were trying to reach Azazel, the Demon With Yellow Eyes, specify his name next time, don't go by physical description, as yellow eyes aren't that rare. If you were trying to summon Crowley, the King of the Crossroads, then you have ben using the wrong ritual, dumbass, read up on crossroad demons, this is the wrong ritual, I'm in PR, not Sales, as such I'm not really interested in being summoned, so don't bother trying again, I have better to do and won't come anyway-.

With that the faint light disappeared, and the Winchesters took the opportunity to take care of the (failed) demon summoners.

-So, what was it?- -Some idiots preparing to summon a demon, probably a powerful one- -You were able to stop them in time?- -Not really, but it didn't matter, they just got voicemail-


	2. Chapter 2

It was a perfectly normal day at St. James park, London, at one of the benches a couple of foreing spies were exchanging information, while by the ducks' pond two figures were talking quietly, while absentmindly trowing bread to the ducks. -So, my dear, I've heard that there's a lot of activity lately in America- -Yes, the people downstairs seem to have something going on over there, I was actually summoned over there several times, before I installed an answering machine, so that they won't bother me anymore- -Really, but...what if they need your help, you shouldn't just ignore your duties completely, you might get in trouble- -I'm a _demon_, Aziraphel, people don't summon me because they need help, besides, most of the times they were calling the wrong number- - Yes, yes, but would it hurt you to give them a chance at least?- -OK, OK angel, I'll make a few changes-

Sam was desperate to find a way to help Dean, or he would never have tried this, he had found a reference to a "Serpent" in some old book, and it looked like it could actually be a possible lead, he didn't know which demon or supernatural creature it might be, but he could remember the ritual which had failed to summon one "Anthony J. Crowley, Serpent of Eden" and thought he might as well try.

This time the result was completely different. Same pulsing light, same voice, different message -The person you have summoned is currently unavaiable, your call will be redirected, if you don't want to talk to my associate, please disrupt the ritual-.

Sam just waited, them suddenly another person appeared inside the circle: a slightly pudgy, blond man with no dress sense at all, who seemed slightly bevildered at being there, and wasn't affected at all by all the devil traps and other protections he had used. -Hello, could you be so kind as to tell me where I am?- -In Iowa- -Oh, in America, I guess you were trying to summon Crowley and the call got redirected?- -What are you?- -I'm a librarian, and who are you my dear?- -Sam Winchester- -Oh, I'm so sorry, but I'm not allowed to have contact with you, but I'm certain that you can find whatever you need in a book somewhere, now I must leave, and I'll have to talk to Crowley about his voicemail settings again, as well-.

With that the strange librarian disappeared, leaving a bevildered hunter behind.

-What are you looking for, Sammy?- -Information about that strange librarian I summoned- -Umh, maybe you need some rest, librarians aren't supernatural creatures, you know, even if they can be a bit creepy at times-


	3. Chapter 3

-What's this about you having a lead about some useful information?- -Well, I don't know how attendible this book is, but there's a mention of a pagan god to the "search of knowledge", it might actually be what we're looking for, and in here I found the ritual to summon it, no sacrifice, fairly straightforward, no real drawbacks, at worst he won't help, and it might take some time-.

-Everything done?- -Yes, but don't you have a feeling that something's off...I mean, there's a quite precise description of the "sacrifice" required, and its possible variants, then you get to work to get everything and realize that this god requires_ tea and biscuits_?- -Well, I'm not complaining-

The Winchesters were staring at yet another one of what they had mentally called "summoning voicemails", a voice Sam would later realize was the "supernatural librarian" started talking -This is Mr Fell's bookstore, I'm sorry but I'm not currently avaiable, please try calling again later, or leave a message after the signal, stating what you need and your contact information, goodbye, and have a nice day- -What the...- -We might as well try, the book _did_ say it might take some time, after all- -Yes but...I mean...that sounded like the answering machine of a normal bookstore, not something supernatural, I mean...- -I told you I summoned a librarian once- -OK, OK- -Well, we need any information you could get on...-

For a while nothing happened, and they thought it hadn't worked, then an old, perfectly kept black Bentley arrived at Singer's salvage yard...

-Who are you?- -I was passing through the area, and a...business associate...asked me to deliver this-. What came out of the Bentley's boot was three big boxes of notes, in a tidy handwriting, on the information they had requested -And there are no drawbacks to this, we just get the info for free?- -Are you kidding? Asking him to do research? You made his week! Kept talking about how nice it was to know there were some youngsters around so interested in knowledge... But if you insist of giving something in exchange...well, if you still have the biscuits, I won't refuse-

-You know angel, you're probably the only person ever to become a pagan god by mistake-


End file.
